From a young age, I remember experiencing nightmares. These nightmares weren’t just scary dreams; they were torture from hell. In any given night I would find myself running. I was running from hungry animals: wolves, dogs, bears, lions or snakes. These animals were after me to devour me. After running and hiding as much as I could, eventually, these animals would find me and would tear me apart, limb from limb and eat me alive. I remember waking after each dream covered in thick sweat, my little heart pounding inside my chest violently. At that waking moment, I realised I was in a dream, but the fear was just as real after waking. At that time, I would find I had wet myself. From age 4 through till 8 I was afraid to fall asleep because I knew I wouldn’t find rest. Home life was far from ideal, and after a stressful day at home, I would experience an even more terrifying night. This stress led to bad sleeping habits and wetting the bed every night up until age 7.
Thankfully, the story doesn’t end there; I would go on to discover God’s love for me and the power it has to overcome fear. At 15 years old I started praying that if God were real, He would find me and help me. At 16 during one of my prayers, God’s love came and ‘washed over’ me. It is a feeling hard to describe, but I will do my best. This feeling of love was so powerful that I couldn’t stop crying. The crying was extreme. I couldn’t control it. At that moment I knew I was loved. I knew I was important and not forgotten. All the years of neglect and abuse vanished in an instant. My built up hate toward others was also taken away. All my fear became empty and vanished.
In the Bible, 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” This verse is right in my life. If I ever feel fear, I pray and worship with everything I have.
If you have a problem with fear, you have a problem with love. Pray that God will show you the love He showed me.
Prayer: God, I ask that you show me your love. I want to know you more intimately and want to be free from fear. I know that fear is never from you, so I pray that you would free me from it. Let the love you show me flow through me to others that they may also know your love. Amen.
Out Of Darkness 