No More Addiction

I haven’t written for some time. After changing my degree at uni, my job, moving house and having a girlfriend I haven’t found a lot of time… Now that my life has settled down again I want to write more often. Having said this, I’m coming back strong – I want to give an update on my post from the 7th March which talked about my past addiction to porn.

If you haven’t read the post, take a look at it here. In the post, I share my feelings on porn and how difficult it is to quit. Reading it now reminded me of how bleak it seemed at the time. However, I haven’t watched porn from the 1st of April! (Take that, devil!) Anyway… There were a few things that helped me go from minimising the addiction to completely quitting:

  1. Accountability – I was accountable to a friend who was also struggling. I started to be accountable to another man who had already dealt with porn and overcome it.
  2. Keeping busy having fun – Always having something to do helped me to entirely forget about porn. I stopped thinking about it, so I stopped watching it.
  3. Blocking my main means of accessing porn – I would almost always watch porn on my phone. I asked a friend to put a password on my phone to block all porn material. If I wanted to watch it, I would have to go to my computer, which was unlikely.

Of course, there are many more things that helped me, but I’m not writing War and Peace… This is simply to encourage you if you’re struggling. Try these three things – they helped me and might help you too.

I want to share a Bible verse to encourage you. 1 Corinthians 10:13 ‘No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

God IS faithful and He WILL provide the way of escape.

The Struggle With Pornography

I’m going to get real; I struggle with pornography. I have struggled with it from a young age; I started watching it around the time I was 11 years old. This time was when all my hormones started going crazy! I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew I liked girls!

I didn’t ask my parents for help during this stage, and because my parents homeschooled me, I never learned about sex. Being so curious, I started exploring everything online; This was a terrible move! I quickly found online pornography and got addicted. It escalated so fast, I found myself watching it for three to four hours every day!

At the age of sixteen, I found God and realised this habit needed to stop. So I quit for one day. Then I started again. I didn’t know how hard this would be, and I didn’t realise how long I would struggle.

The number of times I have tried to stop is too many to count. The number of times I have prayed asking God to take it away is also too many to count. I have tried many different techniques to help fight it. Some techniques helped, but none have stopped me from going back. Over time the amount of pornography consumed has decreased significantly (2 – 3 hours/week, down from 21 – 28 hours), but the last push to completely stop feels beyond my human ability.

I have had many thoughts of doubt and judgement. I have often thought I am not good enough to be a leader in any way because of this sin in my life. I have experienced incredible shame. I have felt isolated and alone. I have cried to God for hours on end – crying to the point my eyes hurt even to open them.

I get strength from Romans 7:15-20 which says “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin living in me that does it.”

I will not give up. If you are also struggling with this, don’t give up. I believe God will empower us to overcome! If you are comfortable, comment below on your struggle and how God has helped you so far.